Successful and Strong, but Married to an Unambitious Man?

Picture this. You’ve spent countless hours, days and even years becoming a successful career woman, and finally the incredible gift of love, in the form of a husband, has come your way.  From the start, it was a divine connection that you knew would last a lifetime.

But a little while after saying “I do,” something grabs your attention.  Your husband isn’t progressively moving forward, nor does he seem to care. While you work hard to build your business and operate in purpose, seems to be a little too settled where he is. You’re up late studying and he’s playing the Xbox.

The more you look at him and his relaxed attitude towards goals, the more concerned you become about where your relationship is headed. You find yourself wondering “How can we successfully grow together if I’m the one constantly moving forward and he’s stagnant? I feel like I’m leaving him behind.”

Eventually, these thoughts cause you to subconsciously look down on your husband as a man who’s wasting his time — especially if you know he is full of potential.  It’s what drew you to him in the first place. But even after marriage, he’s still in his shell.

Across the country, women are wondering how to cope with being successful and goal-oriented while their men fall along the wayside.  According to statistics from the U.S. Department of Education, men are less likely than women to get a bachelor’s degree, and among those who do, fewer complete their degrees in four or five years.

I actively pursued my writing career after being married for a couple of years.  Through pregnancy and in between jobs, I was never far from my laptop, cranking out book chapters, articles and blogs.  Never before had I pursued something with such determination.

But while I worked tirelessly, my husband coasted.  I wanted to see him work passionately towards a goal as well. So, I nagged him. And I bothered him.

Finally, I realized that my tactics weren’t helping. I was only getting more frustrated with his stubbornness, so I backed off.  The only thing I could do was pray, so I did.

“Lord, let him please see the amazing gift you placed inside of him. Let him thirst to use it for your glory.”

Months later, a great opportunity came his way. He jumped on it, and today he is pursuing and dedicating himself to God’s purpose for his life.

It’s not easy watching our husbands fall behind, especially when it seems like we’re the ones doing the field work.  But I learned an invaluable lesson from my experience.

A wife’s duty is to support her husband and lift him up. Nagging and pressuring go against what the Lord wants us to do. Whether we realize it or not, God has planted strong desires for success in our husbands. But sometimes they can be a little intimidated by our success. They need something other than nagging.

They need us to pour into their lives. We need to enlighten them with the truth of God’s Word. We need to help them reconnect with their strengths so they can feel like men.

Don’t nag, pressure or aggravate.  Simply communicate with your husband in ways that let him know you genuinely care about his needs and desires. God can use your love and respect to motivate him. Remember, God’s way is to love, inspire, motivate and encourage.