Too Much Girl Talk About You and Your Guy?

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In August, we asked you, the readers of Hope, to answer the question, “Should friends know the relationship details between a woman and her man?”

We decided to take the same question to relationship experts, Dr. Nicole LaBeach and D. Ivan Young.

Here’s what they said:

Her Side
By Dr. Nicole La Beach

I believe a good girlfriend is like a guilt-free bowl of ice cream – good to the last drop. She requires no pretense and is the one you can bounce ideas off of and confide in with some of your most intimate thoughts. However, when those thoughts include details of your relationship, it gets tricky. Though it is not as hard and fast as “don’t ask, don’t tell,” my advice is that “less is definitely best.”

When it comes to the details, the fewer friends who know, the better. The type of friends you tell is critical. Here are some things to think about: If you’re seeking a lasting relationship, friends with a laundry list of bad relationships are not the best picks for the details. Although you may want your friends to support and minimize your relationship blind spots, it is a wise decision to keep some things to yourself. Not to mention, you have to be clear on how your partner feels about your confidantes knowing what he may have chosen to only share with you.

Think about it this way — do you want your man’s friends knowing intimate details about you? Would you feel unprotected and exposed if they did? This especially counts when referring to sex and finances. I’m not saying these subjects are off-limits, but the details should be, especially if you’re married. At that level, it’s best to come to a solid agreement with your spouse about who can know intimate details about your marriage. Agreement on the friends (preferably couples) who should have access to intimate aspects of your relationship will minimize the potential for detailed sharing to breed conflict or contempt. In a nutshell, stay connected to your friends, but keep the details to a minimum. Remember, what you don’t want him to share with others you may want to think twice about sharing as well.

Life, Relationship, and Executive Coach, Dr. Nicole LaBeach is the author of A Woman’s True Purpose: Live Like You Matter and CEO of Volition Enterprises, Inc., a premiere personal and professional development firm in Atlanta, Ga. To find out more, go to www.volitionenterprises.com or www.askdrnicole.com.

His Side
By D. Ivan Young

Involving third parties in your relationship doesn’t solve your problems — it compounds them. Discussing your private affairs in public will backfire. Managing relationships by committee condemns them to premature death. Once you put others in your business, you never get them out.

Sometimes, people who have an eager ear to hear your business can’t wait to tell it. The juicier the gossip, the harder it is for someone to hold it in. You may be needlessly exposing your relationship to unnecessary scandal and betraying your mate. Long after the two of you get past the problem, friends and relatives in your social circle will still be whispering about the past.

Wise men heed the counsel of many advisors bearing fruit. Here are some guidelines and suggestions if you are going to get advice or seek outside counsel:

• Talk to a professional such as a relationship expert or licensed counselor.
• Get advice from a couple who has a successful, happy relationship of 15 years or more.
• Read the Word and pray.
• Use wisdom, not emotions, to make relationship decisions. If God is involved, things will always fare far better.
• Finally, take responsibility for your contribution to the situation. Lead by example and remember that a sincere apology goes a long way.

Relationship expert and best-selling author D. Ivan Young has been featured in and interviewed on CNN Radio, ABC, CBS, the Chicago Tribune and The New York Times. Find out more about his new book, Break Up, Don’t Break Down, on his website, www.divanyoung.com.

Angelia White decided to step out on faith with her dream of creating a lifestyle magazine for today's inspiring woman. One thing is certain: she is illuminated by her passion for life, encouraging change and inspiring women to live, dream and inspire their ways to greatness! She is definitely a woman on the move! Connect with Angelia on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/hope4women and Twitter - https://twitter.com/hopemag, @angeliawhite, or visit www.hopeforwomenmag.com.

8 Comments

  1. Susan Shipe

    September 23, 2010 at 7:12 am

    Good advice!

  2. Angie White

    September 23, 2010 at 7:24 am

    I agree with you Susan! Giving too much info can backfire…

  3. Victoria

    September 23, 2010 at 7:47 am

    So, so, so many ladies need this encouragement!

  4. Andrea L.Griggs

    September 24, 2010 at 7:15 am

    great article, Angelia!

  5. Laura Fuller

    September 25, 2010 at 5:39 pm

    I agree wholeheartedness with Dr. Nicole, 'when it comes to details, the fewer the friends the better'. And if 'more' seems to work for you when searching for a solution, be wise in your selection of who you choose to share the matters of your relationship with. Speaking too openly to too many or ones who may not be trustworthy is like broadcasting your most treasured secrets in the midst of a canary. Likewise with Dr. D. Ivan, 'people who have an eager ear to hear your business, are the first ones to run and tell it. Wisdom is the principle thing, so above all, seek wisdom, then talk to the most important person, your mate! Blessings in your relationships.

  6. Chandia

    September 26, 2010 at 10:55 am

    I would often immediately run to my girlfriends for advice in past relationships. Now I’ve learned to take the situation in prayer and ask for guidance. Great post! 🙂

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    January 2, 2011 at 4:49 pm

    It’s really a nice and helpful piece of information. I’m glad that you shared this helpful info with us. Please keep us informed like this. Thanks for sharing.

  8. BabygirlCJ

    December 26, 2012 at 7:27 pm

    Your business isn’t for all ear’s; it can cause more harm than good! A Wise Woman builds her house;but a foolish woman will pluck hers down!

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