The Marriage Dance
~Fanning the Flame
Posted by Rebecca Marchbanks on September 22nd, 2010 in Blog | 8 Comments
Summer vacation is over and the routine of Fall is settling over us once again. In our home the new year seems to start in September as opposed to January, with the beginning of school. With that, our list of to-dos manage to take on a life of their own.
- Work Responsibilities
- School for the kids (or yourself)
- Extracurricular activities
- Church life
- Volunteer commitments
The list can go on and on. My husband and I have a tendency to get wrapped up in everything we have going on, even if they’re good things (and not in each other). We want to spend time together, the good intentions are there, but more often than not, the days fade into night before we’ve even had a chance to drink our morning coffee.
Can you relate?
It’s easy to let time slip away and before you know it, a crack in your relationship becomes a canyon that looks insurmountable. Living in a culture that says nothing lasts forever, we have to constantly be on guard in our marriages.
So what can we do? How can we combat the pull of busyness?
- Communicate. Ask him about his day and when he answers, really listen. Let the dishes sit. Leave the laundry alone. (Or in my case, put down the laptop). Give him your full attention, even if it’s only for fifteen or twenty minutes at a time.
- Date night (or afternoon…or morning). It doesn’t matter when, just carve out time for the two of you. If you have little ones, send them to bed a little early one night but spend time (alone) together. It doesn’t have to be an expensive night out. Share a cup of coffee. Rent a movie. Treat him like he’s still your boyfriend. Hold his hand. Let him know that you are attracted to him.
- Laugh together. It’s always the best medicine. Have fun! Send him a silly text during the day. Smile when he walks in the room.
- Pray. Pray with your mate and pray for your mate. God can and will move in your marriage. Ask the Holy Spirit to do a work in the heart of your husband and then ask Him to do a work in your heart.
So, what about you? What are some things you do to keep the flames burning?
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My husband and I try to find a hobby we can do together. This gives us some common ground, outside of TV time, to enjoy each other’s company. This can be as simple as a game or book, or as extensive as learning something new or starting a new project.
We keep saying we’re going to start walking together, but have yet to do it.
Rebecca, my husband & I have been together 28 years and we still like to spend time together. I told him 28 years ago (after a sad divorce) that if he could keep me laughing, he could keep me!!! Well, laughter has been the medicine that has brought us through many a storm! Love your suggestions and we all need to read them and apply them, regardless how old we are or how long we’ve been married.
This is a wonderful article! I have only been married for 3 months, but with both of us working 2 jobs, things can get so hectic. However, I have realized how important laughter is. I don’t think we go a day without laughing! Thank you for sharing this great advice for a newlywed such as myself!
I have a blessing of a unique situation…my husband and I hang out all the time! Of course, this brings some issues of its own. Too much time together means taking each other for granted sometimes, so we’re trying to get better about not constantly being together. It’s been a cocooning time for our marriage and coming out of that stage is scary and fun and sad and wonderful, too.
Love this post, Rebecca!
Laughter! That is one of life’s GREATEST bonding agents. Those I LAUGH with I LAST with.
Grateful that you included laughter. And grateful for this post. Love it!
I may have to “borrow” that line …
those I laugh with I last with!
Love it!
Yay! I love it.