The Marriage Dance
~The Turnaround

Posted by Rebecca Marchbanks on October 20th, 2010 in Blog | 9 Comments

Hopeless.

Yes, that’s where I was, somewhere around the corner of hopeless and heading towards despair.

We hadn’t been married very long but at that point it felt like forever. Hurt had been piled on top of hurt until we were so deep in the mire we couldn’t see any way out.

“Was this it? Was this the fairy tale that I dreamed of as a little girl? How had everything gotten so mixed up?”

Coming home everyday felt like a return to the battleground. Who was going to be the casualty today, him or me…or maybe our young son? We would wage war against each other and then wonder why there was no peace. Church would be attended and ministry would be done but in my heart I would be seething.

“I know that was said as a dig towards me” I could find offense in anything.

“Why is he taking so long? Doesn’t he know that I’m waiting here with his child?”

“Why can’t he be more romantic? Hasn’t he figured out by now that’s what I need?”

On and on and on…my list of grievances grew to the point that no man would ever be able to measure up. So my sin festered and I became bitter and hard.

And then one morning, after a night of us yelling, me resorting to tears (once again) and him going stony with silence, I felt a wave of hopelessness billow over me. “Where are you, Lord? I can’t see you in this mess of a marriage anymore,” I cried out. “Have you abandoned me here?”

Of course He hadn’t. He promises us in Deuteronomy 31:6 that He will never leave us nor forsake us. I knew that truth but at the time couldn’t see past myself to fully grasp onto it.

But God is faithful and the morning that had started in ashes turned into something beautiful as He began to do a work in my heart. He showed me that while I couldn’t “fix” my marriage, He could. It wasn’t my job to mold my husband into the kind of man I thought he should be. My job was to listen to the Holy Spirit and take care of my own sin. The bitterness and anger that I had hidden in my heart were damaging my soul and hindering a relationship with my Father. I was grieving Him.

Thankfully His mercies are new every morning and we have a God who wants to forgive us and be in a right relationship us. That’s where I started. I repented of my end of the mess we had made and then I prayed for my husband. I prayed that God would do a work in his heart towards me.

One of the marvelous and mysterious things about our God is His ability to restore one heart while simultaneously working on another. He is so good.

“I waited patiently for the Lord; He inclined to me, and heard my cry.

He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet on a rock, making my steps secure.

He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.

Many will see and fear, and put their trust in the Lord.”

Psalm 40:1-3 (ESV)