I used to belt out the words to that Aretha Franklin classic in the pre-dawn while throwing a paper route for extra money. Little did I know how important the concept of respect would be in my family relationships.
The post told how my son interrupted my urgent details to ask about going to his baseball game, and I became a shrew-on-the-spot. I snapped at him like a guard dog on the end of a chain, only (sadly) as a parent, I don’t have to chain myself if I don’t want to. When I saw my son’s slumped shoulders dejectedly disappear into his room, I realized my lack of respect for his perspective. He is 13-years old, and his baseball game is important to him.
Thankfully, the Holy Spirit became Teacher in that moment, and guided me to make things right.
The Need for Respect
Once, I attended a Christian family conference where a speaker stated that a woman’s number one need is for affection, while a man’s is for respect. I can’t validate this fact, but I do think all humans appreciate respect, and especially our family members. For many of them, respect = love.
Giving the Gift
My husband came up the stairs recently explaining for the umpteenth time that if I would keep the landing doors closed, the upstairs would remain cooler. I apologized and told him I simply forgot. But as I pondered, I realized I didn’t just forget. I don’t really respect his opinion in this matter. Since I don’t value his opinion, I don’t try to remember. Now, I make a conscious decision to honor his knowledge in this area, and focus on keeping the doors closed.
The Golden Rule
We demand our children’s respect, but how many times do we give it in return? If I want my son’s respect, I must earn it. One way I can earn respect from my son, I’ve decided, is to model it to him in the spirit of the Golden Rule:
12 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.
(Matthew 7:12, NIV)
There was a time when I would verbally correct my son at the instant of his offense, no matter who was around. I’ve decided to respect him enough to wait until he and I are in private. I am especially careful when his friends are near.
These are all little things, but little things go a long way in healing family relationships. We need to be willing to pay attention to the details. And we need to do our best to offer the gift of respect to our family members.
I think Aretha would be proud.
Stephanie, I really, really like what you say in the "giving the gift" paragraph - that spoke deeply to me. I do attempt to do that daily about the things he feels so strongly about and you know, it is so fruitful. Thanks for covering this much-needed topic this month.
Susan, thank you. I am so glad that happened as I was preparing this post. And thanks to the Holy Spirit, who teaches me!
Just yesterday, after this post was submitted, I witnessed a terrible event that underscored my hard-learned lesson about modeling respect to my son. It's on my personal blog here: http://stephanieswalk.wordpress.com/2011/06/02/r-...
Man…
Steph, I will never forget when I first noticed, really noticed, Ephesians 5:33, "Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. " I wish I could say I have always "seen to it" that I respect my most cherished of husbands. Thankfully, today is a brand new day!
Rene', THANK YOU! How did I miss that verse? You are so good.
You just validated the fact that was stated at the family conference!
I know I could do a much better job of this in my home. Thank you for the transparent, gentle reminder.
My pleasure, and thank YOU.